My Journey Towards Self Love
“People hate you.” “You’re Ugly.” “You’re Fat.” “You’re never going to be good enough.”
The internal dialogue was heavy that morning as I looked at myself in the mirror saying all the things I thought to be true at the time. It was certainly not the first time that I put myself down.
Sitting on my bathroom floor in a ball, crying. Wondering how I got here… AGAIN. It’s the Winter of 2019, 3.5 years after having my third child. I weigh more now than I have in years but worse than that, my confidence is shaken. More than shaken. It’s GONE. I no longer believe in myself.
This isn’t the first time that I’ve been at THIS PLACE. So I ask myself again, “HOW. DID. I. GET. HERE.?”
I had known for the better half of 3 years that I was unhappy. Now what I am about to tell you is 100% my perspective and absolutely no persons fault but my own. I 100% believe in taking ownership for where I was at physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. but this next part is important for you to gain understanding on what brought me to taking a journey towards loving myself again.
So…. As I mentioned for the better half of 3 years, I KNEW I was unhappy. I was in a job that I loved but in an environment where I was no longer being utilized for my strengths. Creativity was being suppressed. I felt alone. I felt like I was not growing personally or professionally. I felt like my ideas were ignored or completely twisted to push an agenda that I could not stand behind. This didn’t happen over night. These feelings slowly became my reality. And through that slow change, I began to develop poor lifestyle habits. Come home, take care of the kids, take care of the husband, take care of the dogs, sit on the couch-eat some chips, binge watch the shows on Netflix, pour a drink, eat some cake….
UGH… Where did the happy girl go? Where did the girl who is a problem solver, an optimist, a complete goof ball, a confident, outspoken, idea generating, not afraid to fail, friend loving, active, strong girl go?
It was time for a change. It was time to take ownership for where I was at in life and do something about it. Stop playing victim, stop the "WHOA IS ME” mentality and start picking up the shattered pieces and find my way back.
Common sense told me that it was going to be a long road. I didn’t get to this place overnight, and I most certainly was not going to bounce back overnight.
Coming to the realization that I need to make a change and that I was in control was incredibly empowering, however it was also one of the most overwhelming feelings in the world. Where do I start? There is so much I need to work on. “Jackie, you’re a mess.” is what I told myself.
Right there. Right there in that moment the light bulb turned on. I was so MEAN to myself. There was never going to be any progress made if I didn’t start loving myself where I was at. Slowly, I started to dissolve the lies that I kept telling myself and before I knew it, I was ready to take action to pull myself out of the environment I was in and start chasing my dream.
So there I was, ready to begin taking those forward steps. And when I say forward steps I mean baby steps. I first started by just doing really little things like making my bed every morning, going to bed and getting up the same time every day. Then I started taking a few minutes everyday to write down 3 things I was grateful for, how I was “feeling”, followed by 3 positive affirmations about myself whether I believed them at the time or not.
“I am unique with special skills and talents to offer this world.”
“I am capable of doing hard things.”
“My drive and persistence helps me to achieve my goals.”
As I did these incredibly simple tasks, a spark was ignited. I started to believe what I was telling myself. Fast forward to a few month later I knew I was ready to tackle one of the biggest dreams in life which was to open a physical therapy practice.
Good thing I knew a gal that was ready to fulfill that dream too. Yep Renee!
And from there SHIFT was born -with that “S” in Shift standing for SELF-LOVE (of course there are 1,000 more details to that story that I am skipping but you don’t want to be here all day).
I am still a work in progress and each day I have to make it a conscious effort to do something for me but that happy, confident girl is finding her way back.
Opening Shift Physical Therapy and Wellness and leading with values that we can stand behind is one of the most powerful things. Especially when the first value is “Self-Love”.
I’m here to tell you that you are not those lies you tell yourself. If you are that girl beating yourself up, telling yourself that your are worthless, fat, ugly, dumb etc. THOSE ARE ALL LIES. You are NOT those things. You have a lot to offer this world. Know that I get it. I hear you, but am also here for you.
Written by: Jackie
